About two weeks ago, I discussed my intention to attend Prospective Student Weekend at Fuller Theological Seminary in order to learn more about their Master of Arts in Intercultural Studies. I prayed eagerly before attending event that my experience that weekend would instill me with a strong, unequivocal feeling of either "Yes!" or "No!" Instead, however, I walked away from the weekend with an enlightened yet unsatisfying sense of "Maybe..." It was the inconclusiveness of my emotional response to the experience that contributed to my hesitancy to report about it on this blog. I resolved, instead, to take some time to think about it.
Today I spent a couple hours at the San Diego Zoo. I love the zoo. Yes, certainly, seeing wild animals in cages can be a bit depressing. But knowing that the revenues collected from park entrance fees go toward benefiting wildlife conservation projects helps to alleviate some of those ethical concerns.
The polar bear exhibit is one of the most potentially discomforting (giant predatory creatures, who in the wild range hundreds of miles hunting seals along the rim of the polar ice pack, here confined to a relatively minuscule enclosure where they bake all day in the relentless San Diego sun); but it is perhaps my favorite place to visit in the park. Standing nearly face to face with the world's largest land predator is, in any respect, existentially impressive. Even gazing through several inches of glass, one can't help but pause and marvel at the construction of this beautiful, enormous killer, and feel a little nervous quickening of the pulse as you imagine, without intending to, just how quickly you would be dead if this creature were to take a swipe at you with one of his colossal paws.
Today's visit to the polar bear habitat was the best one I've ever had. Kalluk, the zoo's male polar bear, was standing up in the water, gnawing intently on a cow femur bone when I arrived. As I stood gazing through the glass, he gave up on the bone and launched himself full-tilt into a game of swimming energetically around the enclosure and playing with a large purple ball. As I stood there, I put the normal anxious chatter of my brain on hold and allowed myself to simply be mesmerized by the movement of his giant body in the water, the graceful rippling of his dense fur coat, the powerful thrashing motion of his great, terrifying paws. For about half an hour, I was fully engrossed in the activity of watching Kalluk play.
Having that time to clear my mind was helpful. Though my discussions with friends and family over the past two weeks have been pointing me slowly toward the formation of a short-term plan for my life, it wasn't until today that I at last mustered up the will and soundness of mind to take a pen in hand and write out a rough plan for the next five months. And it is a good plan. Every aspect of it not only makes practical sense, but also congeals beautifully with my personal interests and long-term goals.
All that being said, I'm not going to tell you what The Plan is. At least not yet. Because, knowing me, as soon as it's been "officially" announced, I'll start to doubt myself and the silent expectations of others will drive me to anxiously overhaul everything I've been scrupulously and prayerfully working out. But it is a good plan. I'll just have to tell you about it later.
Nice post. I must say, I'm a bit jealous that you've made a plan. I feel like i'm still floundering around completely lost. It's very unsettling.
ReplyDeletedear meghan,
ReplyDeletei would love to hear your plan. also, i would like you to know that fuller has a campus in phoenix. maybe you already know this and that is part of your plan.
love you.