I'm getting worse and worse at coming up with titles

There's a realization that's been growing in me lately. A ripening awareness that the thing I've always known I wanted to do, the thing I keep siphoning of into some immaterial ideal for my future life, the one thing I know I would regret not having done more of were I to die tomorrow...well, I should probably just haul off and start doing it.

I'm speaking, of course, about writing.

It has to go beyond this blog. This blog--when I've been disciplined enough to keep up with it--has served its role well. But it's like going to the gym every day and always only doing the same exercises. The muscles don't atrophy; but they don't get stronger, either. I want my writing to start on some heavy lifting. I want it to get into marathon shape. And I don't mean some day when I have more time or when I've got my metaphysical shit together. I mean, like, now.

Plans Change

When it comes to new year's resolutions, I have a pretty solid track record: every December 31, I make a handful of them and then, come February, I've completely forgotten what it was I was so resolved to do. It must be my subconscious refusing to subject me to such an essentially self-berating ritual. I mean, isn't a list of new year's resolutions just an ugly reminder of all the things I ought to be doing anyway but guiltily avoid because I just don't feel like doing them?

So this year I'm going easy on myself. Yes, I'm still going to make some resolutions (I can't help it! I love traditions!), but none of the goals/personal challenges listed below fall under the category of "things I'm not doing now that I ought to be doing." And perhaps the act of writing them out and posting them in a public place will extend my memory's longevity at least until spring.

In 2011, I'm not going to cut my hair. Okay, I might get a little haircut some time this month so that I don't look too scruffy for my sister's wedding, but after that, it's gonna be au naturel.

I won't purchase any clothes. That includes shoes and hair accessories. I did this once before and I found it to be a refreshing furlough from my usual patterns of consumerism as well as a healthy reminder that having new clothes on a regular basis is not a necessity but a luxury. It also encourages me to be more creative with what I already have.

I will maintain a regular exercise routine. This sounds like the most cliché of sure-fail new year's resolutions, but I'm including it because it's something that I've already implemented. A week and a half ago, I purchased a membership at a local gym and I've been meeting with a trainer to learn how to structure my workouts and how to use the entirely unfamiliar exercise equipment. It's been fun and I'm determined to stick with it.

For now, I'm satisfied to leave it at just these three resolutions. I am intentionally avoiding making any specific educational or vocational goals at this time. Two months ago, I wrote out a Plan (the details of which I judiciously declined to publicly announce) that I believed would carry me through the month of March and beyond. I followed the guidelines of that plan for November and December when I sought out seasonal employment with UPS, but, somewhere along the way, I realized that the next segment of the plan--the part where I start laying the groundwork for my Future--just didn't feel right. I'm just not ready to commit tens of thousands of dollars to an educational endeavor that I don't feel at least a little more excited and confident about. So I'm not going to go to graduate school. At least not yet. Phew. Glad I got that out of the way.

But I do have some other ideas and I spy new potential pursuits on the horizon. Some of them do pertain to my Future but mostly they are concerned with my present situation; which is actually pretty exciting because, for just about as long as I can remember, my personal perception of spacetime has been focused on just about anywhere and anytime except for here and now.

This is not to say that anything big has happened or any momentous change has taken place. I'm very quick to have a sudden novel idea and then tout it confidently as my raison d'etre, only to later regret having made such bold and underresearched claims about myself. I'm just going to keep on living, doing stuff, making stuff, and--as far as my capacity for self-motivation will permit--writing about it on this blog.

J-O-B: Day 3

Phew. So ends my first week as a seasonal driver helper for UPS. I haven't worked this hard at a job since, well, ever. And I'm loving it!

I realized today that perhaps part of why I feel so amicably toward my job is that it reminds me in many ways of backpacking, which is an activity that I happen to enjoy more than just about anything else. The physical exertion required in this job each day is similar to that required during a day on a backpacking trip. Both on the trail and in the delivery truck, I keep my energy up by munching on CLIF bars. In both situations, I use a headlamp to see at night. In both situations, I get nasty blisters on my toes. Basically, my body thinks it's on a backpacking trip right now and that translates into happy feelings in my brain. Sure, there's no camp food or campfire, I don't get to sleep under the stars, and the scenery would never make it on a postcard; so, there are a few significant differences. But don't tell my body that.

Changes (Turn and face the strain)

In just the last year or two it has begun to occur to me: the things that came naturally when I was a teenager just don't come natural no more. Which is not to say that I can't have a strong fit body at twenty-five. But I will have to work harder for it than I did ten years ago.

While I was in Japan, I rode my bike everywhere. I didn't have a car, so my 4.7-kilometer commute to work in the morning and home in the evening was by bike. Trips to the grocery store were by bike. When I went out for dinner, it was usually by bike. For out-of-town excursions I would sometimes get rides with friends, or else take public transportation; but, otherwise, I was getting a lot of sustained aerobic exercise almost every day, simply because it was my primary means of getting around.

Since coming back to the U.S.A., I've begun to take notice of a definite change taking place in my body. I have not been putting on weight, but I have been getting...softer. Several days in a row pass wherein the most physically exerting thing I do is wash dishes. After a few days likes this, even if I've been eating well and getting healthy amounts of rest, I just feel sorta icky. In order to truly feel my best, I need to be moving around and getting some blood pumping through my limbs.

So I've settled on another goal for myself as I begin a year perhaps already a bit overloaded with ambitious goals: to begin and sustain a regular exercise routine. Running has served me well in the past, mostly because--minus the startup cost of a reliable pair of running shoes--it's absolutely one hundred percent free! I think I'll give running another go.

A necessity for successfully implementing and staying faithful to any exercise plan is accountability. And now, thanks to the Internet, I have the whole world keeping me accountable.